But thanks to my hardworking friend Eleanor, we have some fun reading ahead. She is working on a novel about a single mom, her perspicacity and humor in the face of awkwardness(dates), beauty(her son growing up) and reality(doing laundry and finding a job). She will post "Ella Jane Sender" in serial form.
You can check it out on tumblr http://bit.ly/17X6q6c
Or read it for yourselves here.
Ella Jane Sender
By Eleanor Scott
1.More garlic bread
“Jane,
we need to talk to you.” Bryan said. Bryan and his husband, Paolo watched with
raised eyebrows from the other side of the booth at the Stinky Rose restaurant
in North Beach as Jane, bent over a tub of pesto linguine, nearly inhaled her
food.
“Jane!
We need to talk,” Bryan said tapping the table.
Bryan and Paolo were some of Jane’s
dearest friends. They had not seen each other in an age because of the baby.
This was a big change for all of them. They had performed together and hung out
all the time before Luca was born. Evenings were now hard for Jane since Luca
was not a great sleeper. But she rallied and finally got a sitter.
Here they were having dinner at the
Stinky Rose after Bryan had performed at The Onion comedy club. Jane was so
happy! But Bryan and Paolo were sitting solemnly on the other side of the
booth. Jane was amazed how good food tasted now that she was a nursing and
sleep-deprived single mother.
“Mmm! This ish delicioush,” Jane
said her mouth full of another baby fist sized bite of linguini. “I’m so lucky
that I can eat garlic and it doesn’t bother Luca.” She smiled at the happy
couple who, she realized, looked confused. (They were not confused but
horrified by Jane’s transformation and table manners.) “Oh, sorry…some nursing
babies are affected when the mom eats garlic. But not Luca!” Jane twirled
another huge bite on her fork, “He could suck the rivets off a jet engine
fuselage! He loves nursing that much.” Jane said and then sucked up a linguine
noodle.
Bryan hid his eyes and Paolo
cringed.
“I need another drink,” Bryan
muttered. He massaged his temples.
They look like parents who
needed to talk to their teenager about the dangers of drunk driving.
“We need to talk to you,” Bryan whispered mirthlessly again. Paolo tilted his
head, pursed his lips, made his deep, dark, latin eyes even bigger and nodded.
Jane finally noticed, “What? What’s
the matter?”
“This is serious,” Bryan said.
“OK. Is everything alright?” Jane
stopped, sat up and wiped her mouth. Jane hadn’t realized how embedded she was
in Babyland. What if her wonderful
performer friends had terrible news? She had been out of touch for so long.
Bryan had taken the fringe festival
circuit by storm. At one point they even discussed doing a show together but Jane
got pregnant miraculously at 39 and 3/4s. She was over the moon to be a mother
and the tortured, tense world of theater blurred out of focus. So now she was
wrestling, blissfully, with nursing, playgrounds, child-proofing the house, and
excavators.(Luca was completely passionate about diggers. Jane had come to
admire the huge digging machines and their salt-of-the-earth operators as
well.)
But these were her dear friends and
she didn’t want this friendship to flag. She put down her fork.
“What’s…what’s going on?”
Bryan put his forefingers at his
temples and Paolo patted Bryan’s leg is solidarity.
“Jane. You need to have sex. You
need to have sex!” Bryan leaned forward.
“What?”
Bryon looked forlorn and concerned. “How long has it been? How
long has it been?”
Jane blinked.
“Since the baby was born? And now
he is what? Almost 2? That’s too long,” Bryan whispered across the table. Paolo
nodded reaching across the table and patting Jane’s hand.
“I…” Jane stammered. She had NO interest
in having sex. These were her old friends. She could be honest.
“No,” Jane wrinkled her nose, “I
don’t want to. I’m too…tired. I don’t even think about it. Really! I’m OK. Are
you going to have that garlic bread?” She reached across the table and snatched
Paolo’s buttery bread.
“No. You’re not OK. You need to
have sex! You NEED to have sex,” Bryon mouthed the words and wide bulging eyes.
“I can’t do the dating thing right
now. Really. Too…much…work…”
“You don’t have to date,” Bryon was trying to get a
foothold, “You could hire a prostitute and get it taken care of that way,” Bryon and Paolo raised their
eyebrows and shrugged. Paolo nodded and looked at Bryan as though to say, ‘what
a good idea!’
“Ugh,” Jane winced and shook her
head.
“Do you need help with the money?
Is that the problem? We can help you.” Paolo said quickly.
“Nooooo,” Jane said sitting back.
Still shaking her head. “I don’t think that would make me feel very good about
myself. To be honest…”
“Well…” Paolo said with his velvet,
charming accent, “what about…a massage with a happy ending?” he offered. “No
one has to know. Just a massage with a happy ending.”
“No thanks,” Jane wrinkled her nose
and flinched.
“Don’t worry. It will happen soon.
At some point.” She soothed her friends.
“Well,” Bryon said tilting his
head, “It better happen soon. You’ve
got to tighten things up down there.”
Jane looked up from her final bit
of pasta. She chewed and swallowed.
“We’ve heard some bad stories.”
Paolo whispered.
“I had a C-section. So…I’m good. Still
tight as a drum.” Jane sniffed trying to play it cool. She waved at the waiter.
When the adorable, buff waiter arrived, Jane smiled her big, nuclear smile: “Do
you think we could get a little more bed, I mean, bread? We’d like some bread.”
All three watched the waiter walk
away.
“Honey, you need to beat that drum for
more than just carbo bombs…” Bryan put his hands on the table.
Jane slowly closed and then opened
her eyes. “I’ll have you know that I am involved in several very meaningful
relationships,” she pointed at Bryan and Paolo, “With carbs, sugar and
chocolate. They are very good to me. Between that, and the advise nurses at
Kaiser, I’m all set. I don’t need messy, icky sex and emotions to complicate my
perfect relationships.”
“Yuck it up now, but in ten years
you’ll be fat and miserable if you don’t get ON this.” Bryan crossed his arms.
He was serious.
Jane shrugged, smiled and dove into
the fresh warm bread basket. “Mmmm! So good! I’m so happy to see you guys!”
“Maybe you should just be a lesbian,”
Bryan tried another tack. “What about that?” Even Paolo looked surprised.
“I’ve thought about it. I’ve
thought about it long and hard. But…no. Not for me.”
“You know, you don’t have to do everything,” Bryan said with a long
pause. Jane put up her hand for him to stop but it was too late.
“Would you eat pussy? Because, if you don’t want to eat
pussy, you don’t HAVE to eat pussy.” Bryan said putting both hand in front of
him.
“I don’t want to eat pussy,” Jane
said starting to take another bite. She stopped and put the bread down. She was
full.
“When is your gig in DC?” Jane
asked.
“In 10 days. I’m really nervous. I
have a hour hour of new material. I might have to call you again,” Bryan sighed.
“Tell me the date and time and I’ll
call you at the half hour call. I’ll put in on my calendar. I love the alerts…”
Jane wiped her hands and got out her iPhone.
When Jane got home, after throwing
on her pjs, she caught a glimse of herself in the mirror. She saw some pesto
sauce smeared across one cheek. Her ‘pjs’ were an old stained mens tshirt, and
pea green thin cotton culottes. It was a tragic portrait of a tired, dumpy
woman who now only saw clothes as something to hide her nakedness.
Hmm. Maybe.
